In a world where traditional relationship norms are evolving, open relationships have become a topic of interest among the talking heads, and even my close friends and relatives. Open relationships are more common than you think if you define any sex outside of marriage to be non-monogamous. If you are on my blog you likely know what I mean.
But an open relationship is not the same as cheating. I have been in open relationships for the past 10 years after trying my hand at monogamy for a long time. It just wasn’t for me so I decided to stop fighting something that didn’t fit my values. But I also don’t like cheating so an open relationship made a lot of sense.
But it is not always easy. Navigating through the dynamics of an open relationship requires a high level of communication, trust, and mutual respect. Here are some key aspects I have learned to be foundational to my own relationships:
1. Communication is Key:
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, open or closed. Partners must be able to openly discuss their feelings, desires, and boundaries without fearing judgment. Setting clear expectations and boundaries from the outset can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts down the road.
It’s easy to think you have agreed to something but in fact, there was a misunderstanding and now the other party is not too happy. These are not times to throw in the towel but to open up and talk. No one likes to be venerable but if you want to have a successful long-lasting relationship, vulnerability comes with the territory. It’s a non-negotiable.
2. Establish Trust:
In open relationships you invite other people into your closed circle – together or separate. It is a new dynamic not many people are initially comfortable with. There has to be a built up trust to give you and your partner a solid foundation. Trust that you are in this together, and you are not going to run off with the next girl that crawls into your bed.
A friend told me the other day, “If I trust my partner fully, he can do anything he wants.” It’s the same for me. I do not fear my partner is going to go on a date, fall in love with a new guy, and skip to to get married. The likelihood of that is minimal, microscopic.
But this needs to be built. Partners must trust each other implicitly and have faith in the strength of the connection they share. It’s not just sex but transparency, honesty, and a willingness to address any insecurities or concerns that will definitely arise.
3. Define Boundaries:
Boundaries are a funny thing. Some people have very specific boundaries while others are more laissez-faire. For me, I need concrete boundaries that my partner and I have both discussed and agreed. We actually list these boundaries in 3 columns:
- What is OK.
- What is not OK.
- What might be OK but let’s discuss.
This keeps things clean, and is essential in my relationship to ensure that we both feel comfortable and respected.
Boundaries can include specifics on how often we can see other people, how communication with others, how we represent our relationship top the outside world, and sexual boundaries. Safe sex a paramount in our relationship.
But as people change boundaries can as well. It’s important to regularly revisit your columns (boundaries) as the relationship evolves. You never know when something that was OK is now sparking some insecurity.
4. Practice Self-Reflection:
In my relationship, it’s important for me to really be introspective on my feeling, emotions, and actions. I need to fully be aware of my needs, desires, and insecurities as this can help me communicate more effectively with my partner and navigate the challenges and arguments that are bound to happen.
It is really about self awareness. If I can understand the deeper reason why I feel jealous, angry, fearful, or even happy or joyous, I am then much better being present in my relationship. If I am completely honest with myself about my underlying needs and challenges, I can start to manage them better.
But I am not perfect, and neither will you be. That is part of it. We all make mistakes – that is unavoidable. But if I can still have a calm, conversation with my partner, and her with me, then we can move on and grow together.
It relates to my first point – communication.
5. Seek Support:
Support is critical in open relationships (honestly in all relationships). We all need someone to talk to that can relate, listen to our challenges, and sometimes give advice.
Open relationships are no more challenging than traditional relationships, they just have different challenges. While navigating your relationship it is essential to have a support system in place. Whether that’s confiding in a friend, seeking guidance from a therapist, or connecting with others in open relationships, having a support network provides a fresh perspective.
Some Parting Thoughts
I’ve been in open relationships for years, but it wasn’t easy. I grew up in a conservative household where man + woman + kids = happiness. That just never made sense to me. I did a lot of trial and error before I discovered what worked for my specific needs. We all do this one way or another.
Whether open or closed, I also don’t think there is much difference in the challenges we have navigating love and sex. Many will disagree with me, and that’s OK. We all have different values. That being said, the points above are key to any successful relationship. Personally, I have found that open relationships do a nice job of forcing these uncomfortable conversations.
Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one person or couple may not work for another. Ultimately, the key to success lies in honoring the needs and desires of both partners while nurturing a strong connection based on trust.
Wesley James - Premier Companion 