Hey there, fellow curious cats! There is this big mystery about sex or play parties so I wanted to lift the veil for anyone who is thinking of attending. Well, here we go, I’m about to shed some light on my first experience. Trust me, it was a lot of fun and I learned a lot about myself, but it was not the mind blowing experience as I had built up in my head. Take a peak…
When I first decided to check out one of these parties, I was nervous as you’d expect. I had never done anything like this but was always interested. I had just gotten out of a 5 year monogamous relationship where we had dipped our toe in but never actually played or really gave it a go. But now I was single, and it is hard to go as a single guy as some parties only let in couples and single ladies. Also, the thought of going alone to my first sex party was too much. I am more of an introvert and I’d have to completely be on my game. It would be fucking uncomfortable to say the least.
But when I found a partner, hook up friend, casual relationship gal who was also interested, I decided to take the next step. I found a party and sent the organizer a message. We had to send him a bit about ourselves and some updated photos. This was a party that only allowed people under 45, and somewhat fit. Not models, but people taking care of their wellness.
The Interview
Let’s call the host Chris. When Chris called, myself and my partner were both on the line chatting away for about 20 minutes. He explained the rules, wanted to understand our expectations and previous experience, and also made sure to make us feel comfortable. He and his wife have been putting this party on for 15 years. So I felt a lot of pressure, not really knowing how I would “perform.”
The Rules
This party (and others) take consent SERIOUSLY. Don’t touch unless you ask if it is ok. That goes for women as well. No means no – and there are many ways to politely ay “no” (more on that later).
Read body language. Sometimes people don’t want to say “no” but they are pulling away. Take the hint and politely move on to someone else.
Safe sex is key! Always condoms, and switch between partners (seems basic but you’d be surprised how many people don’t think about that).
Basically, don’t be a dick. Sex is never guaranteed. You still need to connect with people and be polite.
The Vibe
I don’t know what I was picturing – maybe something out of a porno? – but the atmosphere was way more relaxed than I imagined. There was music, dim lighting, and people just… hanging out. That was the first 2 hours. It felt more like a regular dinner or cocktail party at first, just with less clothing (as the night went on) and more openness about sexuality. People were interesting and I felt pretty at ease after chatting with a few of the “regulars.”
What to Wear?
The party did not have a specific dress code but Chris asked us to dress like you are going out on the town and would like to hook up. In other words, dress sexy. Many women wear sexy lingerie which slowly comes out as the night progresses. Guys dressed like they were going to a club but not in a bad way. No shorts or t-shirts or sandals. That’s not very sexy is it? I’ve also been to parties where there is a dress code or theme: all white, BDSM themed, Valentines day – you can use your imagination.
Meeting People
When you get there (and for most of the night) it’s mainly just socializing. I had some fantastic conversations, laughed a lot, and only later realized, “Oh yeah, this is a sex party!” Common questions are how did you get into this, how do you know the host, are you new, what’s your experience, what are you looking for, etc. Not much talk about work!
Safety First
I was impressed by how seriously everyone took health and safety. Protection was available everywhere, and there were cleaning stations all over. Still, I was glad I brought my own stuff too. It’s good to shower after every partner. It shows respect. Also, if you bring toys, put condoms on those too if you are sharing!
The Awkward Moments
Ok, yes – there were some awkward moments. You do get turned down, but I was pretty lucky my first time. I got turned down by a handful of ladies but guess what – many other gals were very happy to play. I even had to decline a few offers myself. One good way for someone to politely decline is to say, “I’m just watching”, “I’m taking a break”, or “I’m new so taking it slow.” That is a nice way of saying “no.” But you know what? Everyone was super understanding. No pressure, no hard feelings.
Feelings Overload
I’m not gonna lie, the nerves at the beginning were insane. But I decided I would be comfortable with being uncomfortable. The good thing is that lasted only for about 30 minutes. After talking to a few people, I was more at ease. Throughout the night I felt ALL the feelings. Excitement, nervousness, a bit of jealousy, and even some moments of “I can’t believe I am doing this!” The night was intense, and that’s okay.
The Aftermath
After the party, I felt like I needed to process everything. I’m glad I had a good friend to chat with about the experience. We talked about who we met, what we did, the new things we tried, and had some good laughs. It really helped me sort through my feelings. Before I went I thought group sex (an orgy) would change my life. But nope! Honestly it all felt quite natural, throughout the night I wondered why more people don’t do this in normal life.
So, Would I Do It Again?
You know what? I started throwing my own parties in Asia. My partner (yes, I have a girlfriend who is very supportive) and I decided we should throw similar parties to bring our friends together and build a community of trust and fun. It has been quite exciting! I am pretty proud of myself as well. Coming from the quiet guy at the party, too scared to talk to women – to organizing and throwing my own parties. It has been quite a journey!
My first experience was eye-opening, exciting, and weirdly empowering. I knew it was something I needed in my life. But I also know it’s not for everyone, and that’s totally cool too. I once took a lady to a party where she had a wild amazing time. But at the end decided it was a one time thing. It’s great to have that much self awareness.
If you’re thinking about going to one of these parties, my advice? Do your homework, know your boundaries, and remember it’s 100% okay to change your mind at any point. Your comfort is what matters most.
For couples, talk about what is ok and what is not ok before you step into the room. Keep an eye on each other to ensure you both feel ok with what is happening. I make sure I know where my partner is at all times. Check in often – you never know when you need to have a conversation or someone starts to have weird feels. Also, the boundaries you set at the beginning can change. Checking in allows you to have that conversation.
Most importantly, don’t be a dick and have fun!
Alright, your turn! Have any of you been to one of these parties? Thinking about going? Drop a comment and let’s chat – keeping it respectful, of course!
Wesley James - Premier Companion 